I was never good at batting. I was not that useful as a bowler. I wasn’t much cop in the field. Obviously, I therefore cannot be any more qualified to waffle on about this glorious game someone decided to call cricket. I confess to confused allegiances.
I support Glamorgan due to the brilliance of Matthew Maynard; and yet I am a member of Middlesex – my closest county team. I demand all-conquering success for England; and yet not at the expense of Ireland, of whom I am a noisy, petulant advocate.
I won’t pretend to know all the ins-and-outs of the game. Duckworth Lewis makes me go all South African with confusion, and averages will remain a mystery to me aside from helping me prove – without any doubt – that Jim Allenby is better than Gareth Berg.