# 1: Please don’t make tiresome bullshit political analogies. Lazy bloggers, opportunistic Aman Ki Asha-ists and op-ed writers, we are looking at you. It takes the gloss away from this mighty cricket match.
#2: This match will NOT defeat terrorism, nor it will root out any extremists on either side of the border. Also, keep away any lunatic thoughts of intelligence agencies cashing on it as a strategic asset.
#3: This match is not about peace or Kashmir or Hindus or Muslims. It’s the most important game, this sport ever conceived. Take it in that vein.
#4: Dear fair weather fans, welcome to your brief stay in our cauldron of madness. Please stop making references to the 2000 World Cup and other things that never happened, and we promise not to kill you during the first drinks break.
#5: Loser desi footie fans, if you’re going to compare this to ManU v Liverpool, El Classico or some shit, please piss off right now, you won’t be spared.
#6: Cricket will NOT be the winner. Stop even thinking of f**king saying anything related to that notion without the NOT in that statement. It really does tick us off.
#7: To all those who are bemoaning how cricket obfuscates the region’s real problems and how this match will be the proof, we are sorry your mommy never loved you..
#8: If you read about complaints of cyber orgasms, constipation, illnesses etc., on social networks in the remaining hours leading up to the match, don’t f**king complain. Live with it.
#9: For all those who are terming this as the cricket’s holiest war, End of Times, Judgement Day etc. we f**king love you. It is going to be just that, in that Colosseum.
#10: For Indian and Pakistani expats and homegrown fans now living abroad, we empathize with you the most. It’s genuinely tough being a hypocrite on face to each other while watching a Pak-Ind match together, so let’s stay like that and not bring each other women in verbal ways discreetly.
#11. A cricket match was never won through Facebook polls and never will be. Especially, when it is the Grand Daddy of ’em all on Wednesday. So, take our advice and avoid these kinky heroics.
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Article by Masuud Qazi and Ahmer Naqvi
Clear Cricket 
Alternative Cricket
March 26, 2011
#7: To all those who are bemoaning how cricket obfuscates the region’s real problems and this how match will be the proof, we are sorry your mommy never loved you..
HAHA! brilliant, bhai et bhai!
CoverDrive
March 26, 2011
hahahh ,this is fantastic… needed this to put it straight for every munna and munni extracting theories out of the match… you guys tell them!!!
Waqas
March 26, 2011
“#10: For Indian and Pakistani expats and homegrown fans now living abroad, we empathize with you the most. It’s genuinely tough being a hypocrite on face to each other while watching a Pak-Ind match together, so let’s stay like that and not bring each other women in verbal ways discreetly.”
It’s definitely going to be tough, but I solemnly swear that I’ll try and be a decent man throughout the match.
Rishabh
March 26, 2011
“#4: Dear fair weather fans, welcome to your brief stay in our cauldron of madness. Please stop making references to the 2000 World Cup and other things that never happened, and we promise not to kill you during the first drinks break.”
WE deserve this game!
fizza rahman
March 26, 2011
well, masuud is always a treat to read in 140 characters. Exceeding it,hes proved to be even better. Aaala.
tracer007
March 27, 2011
#4, 5 and 6 are classics!
Ahsan
March 27, 2011
Wonderfully packed emotions of all the cricket thugs.. (tht we are)…
Imran Lalika
March 27, 2011
Indeed this guideline was needed! Thanks folks for putting each and everything in writing.
elegantstroke
March 27, 2011
“A cricket match was never won through Facebook polls and never will be” – absolute gem.
Good pointers…
man..its going to be a cracker!
Venkat
March 27, 2011
And you could add, in the end, either India or Pakistan is going to be the winner. Not cricket, not peace nothing.
Masuud
March 27, 2011
On behalf of myself and Ahmer, a big thanks to all for such a feedback and making this viral. Much appreciated.
Ahsan Mukhtar
March 27, 2011
word.. !
Shamoly
March 27, 2011
LOvelyyyyy write up u guys!!!!
Supermario
March 27, 2011
Never, ever, ever, say ManU. Its Manchester United, or Man. United, or United. ManU is an insult.
kalakawa
March 28, 2011
^^^
This one. Attack this one.
jhango
March 28, 2011
hahahaha agreed. ATTACK!!!!!!
ms
March 29, 2011
seeeriously?
aparna
March 27, 2011
Well thought out…well written..we need to play this game purely for the sake of cricket. One team is gonna win and the other team is gonna lose. Nothing else matters
saad khan
March 27, 2011
wickeeeedddd..
Usman Malik
March 27, 2011
Awesome. Especially ‘we are sorry but your mommy never loved you’ hahahahha….
Javed
March 27, 2011
this is even bigger than louis v schmeling, madison square garden, 1938.
Rajashree Ravi
March 27, 2011
This is Epicccccc!
Great work people! 😀
henry
March 27, 2011
Number 4 is absolutely spot on.
The one rivalry from anywhere in sport that comes close to matching IND-PAK is Celtic-Rangers, but nothing else.
Said
March 28, 2011
hahah this is great! Whole heartedly endorsed by me 🙂
Saquib
March 28, 2011
oh man! u squeezed the pulp outta orange – superb
Adnan
March 28, 2011
12# Please calm down while writing an article. There seems to be too much rage in here.
Thank you and have a lovely day
Dalrymple
March 28, 2011
Meh…. passable until the 5th one and goes downhill from there, ultimately transforming into an annoying rant. Next time don’t try so hard to be funny and quit while you are still ahead.
cricket
March 28, 2011
point no. 5 is a reaction to piss off.. Chill man…two games are different ,,,no one can be compared to other
Pv
March 28, 2011
Hyperbolic and exaggerated writing with spelling mistakes does not make for good reading material. But it was interesting.
Do keep in mind that one side has to lose. Both can not win. Do not hype this into a war-front. If either side loses, they should lose with dignity and the fans should follow accordingly. These two countries are playing together on Indian soil after a very long time – this match and the reaction that succeeds it, should set the precedent for more matches in the future – a large part of this depends on how the fans behave.
CoverDrive
March 28, 2011
and thats what exactly they have tried to do here.. tried to calm the nerves of exaggerated idiots, tried to do away with stereotyped conceptions… and also for dumbs like you who will criticise for the sake of criticism…
Pv
March 28, 2011
suck my dick.
BK
March 28, 2011
^^ so much for your pretentious first post.
BK
March 28, 2011
^^ so much for your pretentious first post…
Indian
March 28, 2011
PV u r such a loser …and i am sure u must have criticised when u were born
Illidan
March 28, 2011
Aussies and Poms say that the ashes is the greatest match ever. India and Pakistan say its whenever they play. Perspective is everything. I really think putting stuff up like this is just making the hype issue worse. U do realise that one team will definitely lose. And then its all gonna spiral out of control. But since i am not indian nor pakistani i cant relly tell u what to what not to do. But il b there to say “i told u so” :P. Best of luck both teams!
Hina
March 28, 2011
#10 is best!! best of luck to both teams, more luck to my PAKIS!! 😛
Muzammil Shamim
March 28, 2011
hahaha …. LMAO!!!
this is simply hillarious … 😀
Priya
March 28, 2011
HAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHA I love this. So freaking awesome. Esp the part about Footies :)) HAHAHAHA loved the post guys! 😀
mahakhalid
March 28, 2011
i was going to have my own list of “to do’s on the BIG day” but you done a wonderful job covering some if not all aspects of my thoughts on this matter. two thumbs up!
Paul Domers
March 28, 2011
The person who wrote this piece of crap is certainly a looser…
terrible article!! absolute waste of time !!
Zulqarnain Kazmi
March 28, 2011
Hahaah i quiet agree wid this all 😀
Night Watchman
March 28, 2011
hahahaha….2000 world cup!!!
Aditya
March 28, 2011
To all the non-believers ……. YOU FUXXING DOUCHEBAGS!!!! Get a life.
Mo
March 28, 2011
No.5 & No. 8, bloody brilliant!!!!!
Rizwan Takkhar
March 28, 2011
I love you. When I found out there’s gonna be a Pak-India semi-final, I cried tears of joy. I’ve left all my friends and have decided to hate my family until the match ends, to watch it in peace, alone.
No, I will not watch this epic at some cafe with newly-born face-painted Cricket fans. No. I will watch this alone so I can fall on my knees and shake due to an uncontrollably tingling sphincter and such, when we annihilate India.
iknowthemall
March 28, 2011
Grow up boy. At Mohali, on the 30th of March, 11 Pakistanis will be eaten for lunch and dinner both, by 11 Indians, though it won’t fill the stomach of one giant called Sachin Tendulkar…
Sam
March 29, 2011
@Mr. Thakkar: I think more than anything, you’d like watching the match alone so u can cry in peace when afridi n team are spanked all over… till then, UP YOURS ASS HOLE!
XsDnide
March 29, 2011
talk to you day after tomorrow ASSHOLES…
jazib
March 28, 2011
The part about desi football fans kind of implies that you consider all of them (or us) to be losers. So lazy blogger, for a small community of people that strive to keep football alive in Pakistan, you are being offensive.
oz
March 28, 2011
very good … now we all know how good ur frikin grammar skills are .. putting fancy words and irritatingly abrupt and crafted sentences to impress ppl … thanks …. ur just another one of those ppl your talking about ….. wierdos 😛
clearcricket
March 29, 2011
Dear Oz,
Thanks for taking the effort to visit the site and comment as well. We appreciate it very much. I am sure you have heard of the saying, “People who live in glass houses…” Although your well intentioned insult to the writer on his grammar skills is quite welcome as we would try to avoid such errors in the future, it does look like you will be served well if you took some grammar classes too. Thank you.
Shaista Khan
March 29, 2011
For all those hot-bloodied passionate people who are making the match a war of religion/ countries this is about a sport. Yes, we will take the results personally on both sides of the border but this does not mean we are not for friendship between the two countries. Rivalry in sports causes thrill and excitement, otherwise its no fun. Jest is good but not at the expense of humiliating any one, remember throwing mud only makes you dirty!! So chill folks, gather with your friends, stash some snacks and get ready to watch the most anticipated game 🙂
Hayaah
March 29, 2011
ha ha ha… Nicely said!
Imma share this and keep our fingers crossed
0= )
Kooda
March 29, 2011
Ettiquettes and Attitudes were never mine.
http://koodacricket.wordpress.com/
Faiez Hussain
March 29, 2011
Love the last one its the most beautiful of all.
Vinay
March 29, 2011
Brilliant, for those who think this is just a game, take a hike and never turn back, it is war, if India loses against pak tomorrow, it will calamitous.
Parth
March 29, 2011
I loved reading comments of the losers who are exactly mentioned in this blog..losers who dont understand the sentiments of India and pak matches…should sit in their shit whole for the entire duration tom ……
Parth
March 29, 2011
I loved reading comments of the losers who are exactly mentioned in this blog..losers who dont understand the sentiments of India and pak matches…should sit in their shit hole for the entire duration tom ……
TLW
March 29, 2011
OMG! CAN. NOT. WAIT.
Sarah Memon
March 30, 2011
“#9: For all those who are terming this as the cricket’s holiest war, End of Times, Judgement Day etc. we f**king love you. It is going to be just that, in that Colosseum.” Hahahahaha just love this!
I absolutely loved and enjoyed reading this blog. I’m actually one of the homegrown fans now living abroad that you talked about in #10, and I so wish that I was there to witness the thrill of it all 😦
Rafi khan
March 30, 2011
Lethal
varun
March 30, 2011
Nice article
#12 To all the morons who keep on saying that the game is fixed, no need to watch it. If you say it once more we will kick your ass even before the toss.
#13 And holy god of rain, go somewhere else today. You also will not be spared if you come during the match.
True Indian
March 30, 2011
Awesomest…:P ..kasam se…direct dil se nikli hai
Siddharth
March 30, 2011
Wednesday!! Its happening… India are 181-4. I cant believe it. Loved the article you wrote!
Waqas Ahmed
February 14, 2015
Loved this ” Please stop making references to the 2000 World Cup and other things that never happened”